Lazy-Susan? (No relation)
If anyone is thinking about what to get me for the holiday, stop wracking
your brain. Instead, see below as I have taken the liberty of putting
together a list of suggestions (which vary in price to accommodate
everyone’s budget) for the 12 days of Treena.
1.) A lazy-Susan Scrabble set. I’ve recently taken to the game, but it’s real
burdensome having to manually turn the damn board every
time I want to take a turn.
2.) Puma hi-tops. I know. You’re probably as shocked as I am.
And my listing these little gems beg the following questions:
A.) Where did this idea come from? (I swear– I never saw Denise Richards
wearing them at the Whole Food on Fairfax. [Cross my heart])
2.) What year is it?
C.) Puma? Really?
[I’d like a pair in white on white.]
3.) A homemade scarf. As in, it might just be the best thing EVER
if someone would PERSONALLY knit me one.
Preferably in black cashmere, although strippers can’t be choosers.
4.) Employment. Yeah, I know this should be first on my list, but
how amazing is the swivel Scrabble?
5.) The vinyl to MP3 converter which I’ve conveniently pictured below.
(It’s your lucky day!) You can get it at Hammacher Schlemmer
(hhmmm…think I could use either of these words in Scrabble?) and it’s
a steal at only $169.95. Oh and said gift should include a [real] live
person who will come over and physically import all of my vinyl into my
semi-archaic laptop (because it sounds like a lot of work).
6.) Brand new Mac laptop. (See #5)
7.) One L.A.M.B. ‘Broken Phone’ hoodie. Her new record may
suck what with the excessive yodeling and all, but apparently the woman
can draw. Or sketch. Or whatever it is that ‘designers’ do. I mean,
she’s no Nelly… Have you seen his Apple Bottom line??!!! Word.
8.) An autographed copy of David Hasselhoff’s biography,
“Making Waves.” [Self-explanatory]
9.) A licensed manicure-er / pedicure-er who will come to my
apartment every week for one year and sing “Born In the USA”
while painting my nails.
10.) One of those meat injector thingies from Williams Sonoma.
I thought about goin’ to med school for like 3 seconds once, but
figured there’d be just SO much reading and no Cliffs Notes.
This way, everybody wins. I get to inject raw chickens or turkeys or
whatever with garlic or thousand island dressing and nobody dies.
It’ll be like a homemade version of Operation. Operation for the new
millennium. “Inject the chicken for $200!”
