TV Sucks.
At this point, I’d rather be stripping than watching.
(No seriously– I’d rather be stripping.)

I mean… 24 just might be the worst show on television.
(And believe you me— next to “Doogie Howser, MD has
just been canceled” that is truly one of the most painful sentences
I have ever written.)

I’ve been a faithful Jack Bauer enthusiast for nearly five seasons
now (which in 24 jargon= 5 days), but just can’t seem to wrap my
stiletto around the latest one.

It just makes no sense and takes the term “jumping the shark” to a
whole new plateau.
Hhhmm… “*Plateau.” Not to pop my own corn, but how smart do I sound?
(*Source=Pat Sajak [and the Wheel of Fortune staff])

In any case, I’m just not buying what they are selling.
(They= Fox.)
Like for example, those Crest Whitening Strips which they advertise
during every commercial break… I’m telling you– they don’t work.
(Although between all of the coffee drinking and cigarette smoking,
who really has the time to wear them?)

Back to Jack.

Grey “Graham” Bauer (that monster!) is REALLY Jack’s brother?
Horseshit.
That’s what I call “grasping at straws,” people.
And who decided to cast the creepy old guy from Six Feet Under
as his father?
(Answer: A retarded casting agent.)

Even Chloe sucks this season. She’s not funny and I could care less
about her, Morris and Borris.
Oh, how I miss Edgar and his lisp.
And David Palmer.
(David who [in between All-State commercials] is probably rolling
over in his grave because his brother Wayne is the most uncompelling,
ball-less President in [24-season] history.)

And color me bad[d], but I miss Jack’s murse. (Murse=man bag.)
I know he just got off the boat from China and all, but you think
CTU would give him some supplies AND A FUCKING STEAK DINNER!
Selfish bastards.
Martha Logan for President.
(That’s all I’m saying.)

And what’s up with the L Word?
(And why do I CONTINUE TO TUNE IN?)
I mean… really with the deaf girl?
Not to sound racist or whatever, but people, please…
Bette would NEVER (ever) date that woman.
(Ever.)
Plus, I’m supposed to believe that after studying a website
for like 25 minutes that she’s suddenly fluent in sign language?
Um… OK. Sure.

Not too mention, for a show focused so much on sex,
it does beg the following question:
Who would want to fuck a girl who when she attempted
to talk dirty to you (not to be confused with “ridin’ dirty”)
ends up sounding like Blair’s cousin, Jerry?

And who was the genius who came up with the not-so-festive story
line for Alice?
(Seriously. Who was it? Because I’d like to punch them in the face.)
AN ARMY GIRLFRIEND?
Come on!
I do so beg your pardon!
Alice Pieszecki would NEVER date someone in the army.
The mere idea is simply preposterous.
And soldiergirl has the personality of a wet rag.
THE WAR FLASHBACKS?
Ugh.
The fucking horror of it all.

And then we have Veronica Mars.
A long time ago, we used to be friends…
(A long time ago as in last season.)

I’m not even sure what to say about this one
(it’s just so damn heartbreaking), so maybe the
following analogies best sum it up:

Remember when Laverne & Shirley moved from Milwaukee to
Los Angeles? Or when the Facts of Life girls opened up that shop
with Mrs. Garrett?
Well, this is sort of like that.
The show just isn’t the same anymore.
(And Hearst College is only 5 minutes away from dear old dad! Yikes!)

I watched the first few episodes and then decided it best that I give
up my little detective for lent.

Now, I’m left with The Hills.
Not that I’m complaining.
Although, that Heidi could really use a good talking to.
WHAT IS SHE DOING WITH THAT SPENCER CHARACTER?
WHAT A DOUCHE!

That’s it.
I’m heading over Club Area to find her.
(She needs me.)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 21st, 2007 at 1:49 am.