The house? The Huey Lewis record collection? (Tickets for the Ice Capades?)
Too lazy to tell everyone about your recent break-up, divorce or partner gone gay or astray?
I don’t blame you!
It’s exhausting.
And you already have enough on your plate what with the “who gets the house, the Huey Lewis record collection and the season tickets for the Ice Capades.”
Well, I’m here to help…
I’ll customize a press release specifically for your current (or not so current) situation. That way, in just one fell swoop, you can let everyone in your life know that for whatever reason [you couldn’t keep it in your pants, you let that phone sex addiction spiral out of control or you put on an unattractive amount of weight] you failed miserably at yet another attempt at love.
[Please see example below]
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Tuesday, November 20th–After nearly two years of being together, Leslie Lezstein and Jane Janeberg have called it quits. No specific reason was given, but a spoke person for the couple said, “Remember–they are lesbians, so of course they’ll remain great friends. There’s even talk of them spending Thanksgiving together!”
Audrey [the cat] will remain with Leslie (her mother) although Jane will have weekly (unsupervised) visitation rights and they’ll alternate every other “Secretary’s Day.” (Audrey’s favorite holiday).
As of 9am (PST) this morning, their respective Myspace pages still displayed “relationship” status. Rumors as to when the change to “single” (or “swinger”) will take place are circulating. Our experts say, “they’ll likely ease into the break-up by selecting “swinger”–especially since the break-up was amicable. It’s just Myspace politics.”
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